| Rank | Team | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | UConn | +1 - I said last week: "I think UConn is the best team," and this week, I am acting upon that. I believe that UConn is the best team in CBB. |
| 2 | Houston | -1 - Absolutely nothing against Houston, I just think that for two similar teams, a win over Marquette is more impressive than a win over Kansas. |
| 3 | Purdue | +0 - Purdue did great against Illinois, and are definitely a top 3 team. |
| 4 | North Carolina | +1 - I saw what Duke's fans were doing with the water bottles. |
| 5 | Creighton | +1 - Fun fact: Blue Jays are closely related to Crows, Ravens, and Magpies. |
| 6 | Tennessee | +1 - Where were YOU on June 12, 2017? |
| 7 | Kentucky | +6 - Nice job closing out the regular season with a win against UTjr! |
| 8 | Marquette | +2 - Thus begins the list of teams that lost, but are moving up because CERTAIN TEAMS felt like losing certain games. |
| 9 | Duke | +2 - Stop throwing water bottles. There are kids in Africa without access to clean water, you should just package your bottles and send them to Africa. |
| 10 | Iowa State | -2 - Your win against BYU is THE only thing keeping you up in the top 10. |
| 11 | Kansas | +1 - Kansas has looked bad in the end of the season, they're just here because nobody else should be. |
| 12 | South Carolina | +2 - I know this is the MBB poll, but LSU's Flau'jae Johnson needs to be suspended for that bullshit. Cardoso was just standing up for her teammate. |
| 13 | Auburn | +3 - Why did the Jags get Mac Jones? That's the most confusing pickup I've ever seen (in 2024.) |
| 14 | Illinois | +1 - Lifesavers Wint-o-green mints are actually pretty dope. |
| 15 | Arizona | -11 - Upon further inspection of their previous schedule, I have come to a conclusion: Arizona is incredibly mid. |
| 16 | Baylor | -7 - Upon further inspection of the previous week, I have come to a conclusion: Baylor is incredibly mid. |
| 17 | Gonzaga | +1 - Gonzaga is still better than Saint Mary's, but some of you aren't too scared to admit it, this time. |
| 18 | Alabama | +1 - It just looked wrong to have Bama beneath BYU, Nevada, and Utah State, despite Bama's loss. |
| 19 | Texas Tech | NR - Lubbock is a ridiculous name for a place. |
| 20 | BYU | -3 - The Mormons are Mormoning, I think? |
| 21 | Nevada | +1 - The state of Nevada is very empty. |
| 22 | Utah State | +1 - The Mormons are Mormoning, I think. |
| 23 | Drake | NR - She said, "do you love me?" I told her, "only partly." |
| 24 | Saint Mary's | +0 - Gonzaga beat you last week lol |
| 25 | Stetson | NR - This is a symbolic gesture. Absolutely amazing job in the ASUN tourney to get your first ever March Madness bid. |
Previously ranked: USF, Washington St, App St