| Rank | Team | Reason |
|---|
| 1 |   North Carolina | 1 awful offensive game, 1 great offensive game. I hope they don't play to their competition every game. |
| 2 |  Houston | |
| 3 |  Kansas | |
| 4 |  Baylor | |
| 5 |  Gonzaga | B5, hit, you sunk my battleship |
| 6 |  Kentucky | Oscar's "injury" is concerning |
| 7 |  Virginia | |
| 8 |  Creighton | |
| 9 |  UCLA | |
| 10 |  Indiana | The country isn't ready for Top Ten Mike Woodson |
| 11 |  Arkansas | |
| 12 |  Duke | If they had Mr. K, they'd be 2-0 |
| 13 |  Arizona | |
| 14 |  San Diego State | Maui Dark Horse |
| 15 |  Texas | |
| 16 |  Auburn | If Brucey Boy takes his shirt off, they move up a spot |
| 17 |  Alabama | Nick Saban would not look good in Nate's sport jackets |
| 18 |  Texas Tech | |
| 19 |  Michigan | Emoni Bates could be HIM, but so could Hunter Dickinson |
| 20 |  Tennessee | I will spare them one week because the football team is good |
| 21 |  TCU | Frauds. *note: see Tennessee* |
| 22 |  UConn | Bring back Kevin Ollie you cowards |
| 23 |  Illinois | Champaign would've burnt if both football and basketball teams were good |
| 24 |  Dayton | Shoutout Dave Chappelle |
| 25 |  UC Irvine | Team of the Week/Win of the Season |
