| Rank | Team | Reason |
|---|
| 1 |   Arizona | That display in Maui was one of the more impressive stretches I've seen. Tommy Lloyd has the boys DIALED |
| 2 |  Houston | If they would've beat Kent State by more, they'd be #1 |
| 3 |  Virginia | Tell me why they shouldn't be #3. Bennett Ball in full effect |
| 4 |  Creighton | Kalkbrenner might be my favorite player in the country |
| 5 |  Texas | Fine, Texas fans, maybe you're a top 5 team. Quinn Ewers is still bad |
| 6 |  Baylor | I feel like I don't know one person on this team and they're still good, s/o Scott Drew |
| 7 |  Kansas | Is Gradey Dick the best caucasian player in the country? |
| 8 |  Indiana | Woody's goatee looks too good to be true |
| 9 |  Arkansas | Their entire program has an attitude problem, which may hold them back from being a team playing in April |
| 10 |  North Carolina | Caleb Love thinks he's Kobe-taking way too many bad shots and letting his team down |
| 11 |  Gonzaga | Timme is really good, but he cannot carry them as far as Zags' fans want |
| 12 |  UCLA | IDK why Mick is still wearing a suit |
| 13 |  Purdue | They might need to transfer Zach Edey over to the football team for a week |
| 14 |  UConn | Andre Jackson S tier athlete |
| 15 |  Duke | Jon Scheyer looks like Freddie Prinze Jr. |
| 16 |  San Diego State | This Aztec team would finish top 4 in the Pac12 |
| 17 |  Alabama | Yeah they beat UNC, but they did not look particularly good on either side of the ball |
| 18 |  Kentucky | This Cal team might be very underwhelming |
| 19 |  Illinois | I feel like they're better than #19, but there're a lot of good teams |
| 20 |  Auburn | It's still early, but they could be in trouble come SEC play |
| 21 |  Tennessee | On pace to be the weirdest team to judge all year |
| 22 |  Michigan State | I feel like they would beat Eastern Michigan by more than 5 |
| 23 |  Maryland | Willard, SVP - maybe being bald is cool ? |
| 24 |  Portland | They deserve love for the showing in front of Phil Knight |
| 25 |  Cincinnati | Winning the 7th place game in Maui might be the hardest game to win all year |
